When I started this blog I had grand intentions. I wanted to write daily, and thought I would, but I was deeply entrenched in the attempted salvation of a suicidal teenager. She was hurting and I was hurting. I was lost in a complex battle with our mental health system and I was desperate for help beyond what my community and my daughter’s physicians could give. I thought there had to be other parents like me and I wanted to find them, reach out to them, and write to them.
Writing is therapy, and I needed therapy.
I picked the title “Mothering Sorrow” because sorrow seemed to be our whole world at the time. I had a head full of ideas and poetry and stories. I posted a few things and then. . . didn’t share. It was my secret and I kept it a secret. I was worried what family and friends and the world would think. I was too overwhelmed with mothering sorrow, and mothering in general. I had recently given birth to my third child and the amount of energy a baby requires, on top of a two teenagers and the burden of depression, were more than I could put into words.
I feel now, more than ever, to revisit this blog. To share our story. To give hope to those enduring this battle/journey/trial. I pray for you. I weep for you. I know what that hell is.
My daughter starts her Senior year of high school next week. She is excited, she is full of expectations, and plans- and a future. There have been so many times over the past three years that we both have moments, a pause if you will. We acknowledge how far we have all come. We acknowledge that we are ALL still here. We acknowledge how close we came to losing. We acknowledge the monster that is suicide, that sat lurking in the corner of our home for years. Above all else, we acknowledge the light that came sweeping in to replace the darkness, to drive out the monsters, and to say what those monsters looked like. Our journey is unlike most but I hope by sharing we can help save others.
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
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motheringsorrow 